Where is the OPERATING MANUAL!!

I know. I am not new to this whole marriage thing. I am a repeat customer. But I'm also not new to the whole divorce thing either. So in an effort to sustain my current marriage.. I’m learning to SHUT THE FUCK UP!  Now, I admit that I have a bit of a biting tongue, and, I guess, things I say can often seem a bit on the 'flip' side. But I speak my mind. Well, in an effort to pick my battles more wisely (and for my sanity) I keep my mouth shut on a lot of issues.

But, it can’t be both ways. I can't be asked my opinion or asked a question then the conversation go from 0-100 because you really aren’t ready for the answer I gave.

My mind is like a breaker box. When there is too much stress on the breaker, it trips. When there is too much stress being put on me, the breaker in my mind trips. And I shut down. It’s not something that I can control, there is no warning, I just shut down. Not physically but emotionally, I feel absolutely NOTHING. I'm not happy, I'm not sad.. I feel nothing. I'm just functioning. I have absolutely nothing to say and even when I try to thinks of things to say...NOTHING!

Well, today is one of those days. One of those days when I have to say to myself over and over 'I LOVE MY HUSBAND, I LOVE MY HUSBAND'.

But it's not easy!

If there is an Operating Manual ...I need it! Because there are some parts of marriage.. I DONT UNDERSTAND!

When did it become my responsibility to make sure my husbanc is not bored!
When did it become my responsibility to understand the 'no communication' form of communicating?

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE MY HUSBAND! And there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me. He has a lot of wonderful qualities, unfortunately right now I can’t think of what they are... but I know he has them. And I know that he is not used to dealing with someone like me. Again, this is not easy.

 MAN! Where is the fuckin bottle of VODKA, I need a stiff drink. 10hrs and 42min to go before this day is OVER! God help me!